Other than a few weeks during the Covid-19 pandemic, all my teaching experiences have been face-to-face in the classroom. Creating community and relationships, the core of my teaching practice, have all occurred in situations where we are in the same room and I have a context for those students. I am also able to read their body language and see the things they may not say. Since I work with elementary students, who may not be emotionally mature enough to use their words and actions to define themselves, this has become part of my craft.
My most recent learning experiences, however, have all been online. My certifications to teach aquafit, a three year diploma in nutrition, and now a masters degree- all online. Truthfully, this is not my preference. But it does allow learning to be accessible to me living in a northern community and bound by familial obligations.
I worry that I am not really seen in an online environment. My strengths are typically people based. I like to find my people within a group and build my confidence from there. I like to be able to verbally process information and ask questions and that doesn’t feel possible in an online environment without being the center of the conversation, which is also something I do not enjoy. I like to support colleagues or classmates- as people and as learners. I enjoy hearing about the experiences of others and building people up. I am also generally pretty opinionated when I know what I’m talking about. Maybe that’s not the right word. I am confident in my own experiences and how I feel about issues where I have relevant knowledge. But this can be misunderstood without context so I don’t share as often. I love interaction and changing my mind when I learn more and feel safe doing that. But online, without these interactions, I feel a little lost. I have no trouble asking for help in my face to face life, but online I feel more vulnerable because it might be the only interaction I have with someone and there’s more to me than that. Online, I am one dimensional.
I also find that the art of teaching can be lost online, especially in self-paced courses. I don’t know if my own values about teaching would translate into the online world. I supposed it depends on how you see yourself and your role. I feel like my online teachers have provided me with some valuable learning experiences. They have created or curated resources that allow me to learn what I need to progress through the course and even to reflect on my own thinking. But they often don’t “teach” me anything, instead, they’ve provided me with learning opportunities. There’s a difference.
I like the messy, down on the floor, pencil in hand, teaching opportunities that come from face to face interactions. Ok, those are most likely to happen because my face to face interactions are either in an elementary classroom, or teaching adult aquafit (also end up on the floor though). But even when I taught high school, I liked the circular discussions that brought students to new depths of understanding as they unraveled their own thinking. I enjoy the relationships that come from spending so much time with other people. I like knowing that “Jane” has a game coming up so might not take math seriously on Friday, or that “Bob” brought a Pepsi to school and is now in a sugar spiral, so brace yourself!
For these reasons, I appreciate our cohort. They are my familiar faces and that become apparent in our mixed class. In six months together, I now know a few people well enough to feel comfortable in breakout rooms. I have a sense of when someone is stressed, I know who has kids and pets, and I’ve even seen what some of them eat for dinner. But although our relationships are friendly, we’re still almost strangers. Three of our cohort are from my own community and I feel closest to them. One I’m married to so that’s a given. One I’ve taught with for fourteen years and we’ve established a relationship. One I’ve known for years because we once taught at the same school and flow in similar social groups.
So I will take everything I can from online learning because it is a gift that allows me to pursue my passions. It’s introduced me to people who wouldn’t be in my circle otherwise. It’s given me access to resources that are not available to me in this phase of my life otherwise. I am grateful. But my heart lies with the brick and mortar and the people who make up my “real life” community. The ones who see me even with the screen off.
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